Ripped Out And Hanged To Dry
by Closet Lovers
Summary: I see my friends blood spilled on the ground, with my hand prints in it. Voldemort’s tapping into my mind, dragging out the darkness, and suffocating all the people I loved." -Harry, thinking to himself. HG


I've been working to get somewhere, but it feels like I'm moving in a circle. That I won't stop. That eventually, all the things that have built up will burn down. I see my friends blood spilled on the ground, with my hand prints in it. Voldemort's tapping into my mind, dragging out the darkness, and suffocating all the people I loved. The "good" in me is leaking out, and I can feel it slowly happening. I can't help but think what could be different, what I could have done "right". Bloody hell, have I done anything right? Was I wrong in just being born. I messed up a lot of things on that day that I had no control over. It lead to my parents death, all the way up to the day Sirius died. My birth made all the fucking difference.   
The feel of fabric rubbing against my skin broke me away from my depressing thoughts, that I knew would someday make me do something rash. I turned my head to look at the person who had bumped me out of my thoughts. Upon seeing her face my useless rambling shrank away. Ginny Weasley stood there, with everything but a smile. She looked depressed, sad, and... Worried, mostly worried. Dark lines surrounded her eyes, making them look sunk in. Everyone had this zombie look to them these days, no one could help it. The young Weasley girl was another victim of sorrow, another victim of Voldemort's actions. But to me, she was more then that, she was his small pinnacle of light in a dark closet. And that small light was a rare thing in in my now darker life. Ron and Hermione were in hiding, as were most, because of the new threat.   
A few months back I was doing fine, because there had been no sign of Voldemort for about half a year. But, I was fucking stupid for letting my guard down. One of my best friends, Neville, had been killed when he was visiting the Weasleys for my birthday. The house had been attacked, and dammit, I might have been able to save him. But, I had been to smug with my new life that I just didn't see it coming. Right when Neville had come out of the closet... Did he have to fucking die dammit? The next few months had been the same, and I came back to school with less friends. Not that no one liked me, but as in, a lot of them were dead. What I'd give to change those last few months. I never realized how lucky I was to have all those friends to help me through the hard times. But now I'm only left with one, and that one is Ginny Weasley.   
She took to hiding with me in Grimmald place, which is where Dumbledore sent me after hearing about Voldemorts plan to assault Hogwarts. Honestly, I believe Dumbledores a fool to think that's his plan. I'd bet my little black heart that Voldemort wouldn't ever attempt something so risky and so shaky. Through all my experiences I know he wouldn't take the chance of losing so many death eaters, just to win one battle.   
Once again, I had to shake the poisonous thoughts from my mind and focus on the tired looking red head who had taken a seat next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. She was used to me blanking out, and she never tried to interrupt me. Which I'm glad for, because I have a lot of screwed up concepts in my head to sort through, and someone stopping them in the middle isn't going to help me. I usually get pissed and lash and yell at people that disrupt me. Over the months people have learned to just leave me alone sometimes, and god it feels good. Then at other moments I need nothing more then to have someone there for me, and that's where Ginny has come into my life. I always thought I could be independent and just be by myself, to protect others. But fuck that, I can't be independent. I need someone to understand me, someone to comfort me, someone to talk to me, someone to love me. Over the years my thick skull was slowly chipped at, and I finally saw what was in Ginny's heart. And I saw what I had been missing for years, and that was dependency. I'm not talking about the way you depend on friends to be there for you. I'm talking about being so dependent on someone, you would slit your wrists, sow your eyes shut, and cut off your tongue for them. And if I had to, I would do all of that for Ginny, because I know she would do it for me.   
Ginny shifted next to me, and I saw her pull a wand out of her back pocket. She flicked her wrist and a small, warm fire appeared in the fire place. It dimly lit the dark room. Which was a dramatic change compared to the rest of the house. The old mansion was always dark, dusty, and gave you the feeling you were being suffocated. It wasn't an environment to try and cheer someone up in, especially when ever dark corner held a memory of Sirius. God it still kills me, but not as much as it used to. If I could cut open my chest and take him out I would, just to stop my own pains. Damn, I'm selfish now. But I know my godfather wouldn't want me to be constantly depressed over his death.   
I sighed, and pushed him out of my mind. Ginny shifted and rubbed her body against mine, trying to get comfortable. A sense of security passed through me, and allowed me to get comfortable. I wrapped my arms around her and put my head on top of hers. Ginny, had taught me a lot of lessons. Like how to love, to care, to not be so thick skulled. But one thing she hasn't told me is how the hell I'm going to lead the fight against Voldemort.   
That is my purpose after all isn't it? I didn't care right now. I rubbed my hand against Ginny's arm, and cherished the feeling coursing through my nerves. Nothing else in the world matters right now, except the red head next to me.   
Fuck leading.   
Feeling the sleep overcoming me, I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and put over me and Ginny. Slowly I fell asleep. Except this time, with a smile. A plug had been pulled, and Ginny Weasley was the one responsible for it. Although with a slow pace, the liquified darkness held within my heart was slowly dispersing from my blood. 


End file.
